Kids...... How do I properly express my thought on this?

Well here I go...

Kids, they are wonderful and forgiving and resilient. They also know how to push buttons, drive a person super crazy. All in all they are super adorable packages of many gifts:)

I have a hard time with my kids:) I mean what mother doesn't right?? Mostly it's my five year old. See I have given the ages alternate names.

Here's what I came up with:)

2: Trying Two's
3: treacherous threes
4: feisty or ferocious fours(whichever you prefer)
5: Friggen rip my hair out of my head fives...

We are currently experiencing the two's and five :(

Both have there good and not so good traits to them.  I find that at age Two they are really just starting to number one talk and number two "find themselves" and yes it gets VERY trying. But I'm beginning to recognize certain things such as in the afternoon when the whining and yelling has peaked, duh Ashley Anneliese  is hungry. She hasn't done anything wrong per day she just needs food. I mean come on what person doesn't get cranky and whiny when hungry?   She can't quite express herself the way she would like and it understandably gets frustrating to her...  Today has been an interesting day.

A few days ago I took Annie into the pediatric urgent care, she had been coughing really badly and it starting getting to the point of almost throwing up. So we took her in and the doctor told me it was a respiratory virus and what I needed to do.  The next day she got worse and my mommy instinct told me to take her back in. The doctor listened to her then told me that she has mild asthma. My first thought was oh we are going to have to get inhalers and all this other stuff. He told me to do breathing treatments as needed and she may eventually grow out of it.. At this point mommy and daddy have not slept much since Sunday night:( and now my poor baby has to basically be forced to do treatments. Today she seems to go into a coughing phase when doing well much activity at all. Needless to say I'm one stressed out momma. And to make matters worse I was awakened by Emma screaming for me to come see this terrible thing Annie was doing in my mind what could be so urgent.  MAKEUP ALL OVER EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE.. Not just any makeup my LIQUID makeup... Not what I was hoping to wake up to:(  needless to say I want this day to be Over:(.


Now to my Five year old. For us it is a constant battle, yelling saying no, fighting with her sister. Now I totally understand that these are typical things for five year olds. However for me it's well basically a personal hell and I deal with it every day. I can't always comprehend what's happening all I know is that my nerves are shot every day.. It's hard and emotionally draining. Most times I can't handle even my own emotions and it's frustrating.. I have a struggle daily.  I LOVE my children so much and yet most of the time I don't even want to be around them:(  I feel inadequate and as if I'm a terrible person . I know that I should know that I'm not and yet I don't. I feel as if I have failed and that I should not have been trusted with these girls. And at times I feel like maybe it was a blessing to not be able to have anymore.   I often think oh boy if this is how it is now I can't imagine(nor do I want to) how it's going to be when they are older..